By: Emma Williams

In a world where hustle culture often dominates and “doing it all” is worn like a badge of honor, author and embodiment coach Monica Yates is raising awareness about the cost of control—and offering an alternative perspective. Her latest book, Becoming Her: Straight Talk for Healing, Embodying, and Radiating as Your Powerful Self, is more than a guide to empowerment—it’s an invitation to reconsider how women view power, success, and what it means to live in alignment.

Through her blend of somatic trauma healing, nervous system work, and candid truth-telling, Yates is helping high-achieving women around the world explore the belief that strength comes from staying in control. Instead, she invites them to find their power in a place they might not expect: their feminine energy.

“Feminine energy isn’t about how you dress. It’s about how safe you feel to receive, to rest, to be guided, and to feel,” Yates says. “A feminine woman isn’t a doormat. She has strong boundaries, owns her ‘no,’ and leads with deep alignment.”

Rethinking Feminine Power in the Modern Age

At a time when Pinterest boards and social media influencers often reduce femininity to a curated aesthetic—soft colors, flowy dresses, and carefully posed vulnerability—Yates is boldly saying: enough.

True femininity, according to Monica, isn’t about performance. It’s not about ticking boxes of what someone thinks it means to be soft, nurturing, or “feminine.” It’s about being so anchored in your own truth that you don’t have to try to be anything—you simply are.

“You can work a ten-hour day and still be in your feminine, if that lights you up and you’re able to soften and relax when you get home,” she explains. “But if you’re grinding through the day in misery and unable to surrender in your downtime, that’s a red flag. You’re running on masculine energy because it gives the illusion of safety.”

Yates’s insights are resonating with many women, especially those who have spent years chasing external validation—titles, salaries, achievements—only to find themselves disconnected, burned out, and longing for something more.

Why Mindset Isn’t Always Enough

A common refrain Yates hears from clients is: “I’ve done all the mindset work, so why do I still feel stuck?”

The answer lies in the body.

“Eighty percent of signals are sent from the body to the brain, and only twenty percent go the other way,” she says. “So if you’re only doing mindset work, you’re missing over 80% of the results.”

This is where somatic healing comes in—a cornerstone of Monica’s work. The patterns that keep women locked in cycles of control and burnout often stem from unresolved trauma stored in the body. Mindset work can help create awareness, but true change often comes from reprogramming the nervous system.

“If your body believes that control equals safety, then no amount of affirmations or journaling is likely to make surrender feel safe,” she explains. “Your nervous system may reject what your mind says it wants.”

The Cost of Control

In Becoming HER, Yates introduces what she calls “the cost of control,” and the price can be high—especially for high-performing women. It shows up as chronic fatigue, overthinking, shoulder tension, low libido, and a creeping disconnection from pleasure, joy, and even identity.

“It’s the woman who doesn’t know who she is outside of her to-do list,” Yates says. “The one who leads in every area of life—including her relationships—and is quietly burning out behind closed doors.”

Eventually, this survival mode can catch up. Hormonal imbalances, fertility struggles, resentment in relationships, and emotional numbness become more common than often acknowledged. Control masquerades as competence, but the cost is wholeness.

The Path to Reconnections

So what’s the alternative? According to Monica, it begins with teaching your body that safety doesn’t only come from gripping tight. It comes from play, rest, pleasure, and being deeply rooted in your feminine essence.

Small, practical steps help rebuild this sense of trust:

• Let your partner plan the date night.
• Take a walk without your phone.
• Say “no” without over-explaining yourself. 

“You don’t need to control everything to be powerful,” Monica says. “You need to trust yourself enough to let go.”

And when women do? The results can be transformational.

They rediscover pleasure. They feel safer in their own skin. Their relationships can thrive. Their bodies may begin to heal. And perhaps most beautifully—they remember who they were before the world told them who to be.

A New Definition of “HER”

For Monica Yates, Becoming HER isn’t a destination. It’s a reclamation. It’s a call for women to return to their truest self—not by pushing harder, but by undoing what isn’t theirs.

It’s about feeling powerful without having to fight for it. About surrendering without losing self. And about embodying a kind of power the world could benefit from: grounded, intuitive, fierce, and free.

In a culture obsessed with constant doing, Monica’s message is a radical one:

Sometimes the most powerful thing a woman can do is stop, feel, and receive.

Monica is a trauma healer and embodiment coach, New York Times best-selling author, and Founder/CEO of Monica Yates Health. For the last 8 years, through somatic trauma healing and deep embodiment work, Monica has helped women overcome hyper-masculinity and reconnect with their feminine energy in a sustainable way, giving them expanded growth in all areas of their lives — business, love, family, health, and fertility. More information on Monica, her workshops, and her book, Becoming Her: Straight Talk for Healing, Embodying, and Radiating as Your Powerful Self can be found at www.monicayateshealth.com.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice or professional health treatment. The views expressed are those of the author and the subject featured and may not reflect the opinions of this publication. Readers should consult qualified healthcare professionals before making any decisions related to trauma healing, mental health, or medical care. Individual results may vary.